Thanks to the folks at People and for providing the material I’ve spliced together. I need say nothing, folks. It’s all after the jump.

Katie, RUUUUUN!PopWatch’s exclusive (snark) on the vows:

Tom: I vow to go for it!
Katie: You vow to go for it!
Tom: I respect women.
Katie: You respect women.
Tom: I love women.
Katie: You love women.
Tom: I promise to save you and Dakota Fanning from the blood-sucking aliens that have put the Northeastern United States in peril.
Katie: I miss Pacey.
Tom: Kate! (broad grin)
Katie: (in monotone) My name is Kate.
Tom: I vow to take you in my arms and kiss you passionately at public sporting events.
Katie: I vow to fake it, too.
Tom: I vow that you will have a silent birth.
Katie: (silence)
Tom: I vow to get a minimum of $20 million up front, with an option for 15 percent profits on the back end.
Katie: You love women.
Tom: Suri! (broad grin)
Katie: Yep. We’re both here.
Tom: You don’t even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, okay? That’s what I’ve done. Then you go and you say where’s the medical test? WHERE’S THE BLOOD TEST THAT SAYS HOW MUCH RITALIN YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GET?
Katie: I vow to crush up some Ritalin and put it into the placenta you never got around to eating.
Tom: I’m living my life. And I feel fortunate, you know. I feel really fortunate. And I’m excited. I’m passionate about learning. I’m passionate about life.
Katie: I miss my friends and family.
Tom: “Respect the c*ck!” (laughs) That’s from Magnolia. I got an Oscar nomination for that. (broad grin)
Katie: (sighs) I know. It was in my orientation binder.
Tom: Help me to help you, Kate.
Katie: Help.