I pulled out an old journal that had somehow found its way into a box during some packing trip over the years to see if anything included inside might be worthy of inclusion in The Cringe Book. As it turns out, it was a journal I kept between Christmases of eighth and ninth grades.

While it’s hilarious in its inclusion of bad early-to-mid 90s slang (G2G, anyone? TTYL!) , I didn’t find anything I’m going to submit. The real gems are still at my parents’ house, probably hidden in some box so the folks would never find them (which means odds are slim for any form of recovery).

But I did discover that I learned many valuable life lessons in 1994, snippets from which I humbly share with you after the jump. Just remember that times were different then. And dammit, I was only 13.

  • On alcohol: Yeah, there’s gonna be a sleepover at Beth’s. It’ll be fun. Some of the guys are supposed to come around 11:00. We’re gonna meet them outside. We’re also gonna play Truth or Dare with a twist: the dare is to have some of the Mystery Drink, a little something Abba created with her parents’ ingredients. Let’s put it this way: it’s illegal to drink it if your underage. … I’m a little worried about the Mystery Drink. What if I get drunk? Maybe I’ll stick with Tara and not have any. Or maybe I’ll just have a tiny sip. (10.07.94) … Beth’s party was fun. No, there wasn’t a mystery drink. (10.11.94)
  • On drugs: There was a lot of marijuana there. You could smell it in the air, plus everyone around me & Mom had their bongs (pot pipes) and their lighters. I’d never smelled pot B4. It smelled really sweet. (describing an Aerosmith concert — 08.02.94)
  • On celebrity: Now you might be thinking, “Wow! What’s with all this Mike Vitar? Has Vickie forgotten Rider?” NO WAY! It’s just that I barely taped the movie, so I’m still in the obsessive stage. I still like Rider 20 TIMES more than I like Mike. I mean, how can you resist those gorgeous blue eyes, that gorgeous smile, that awesome hair. WOW! The guy’s perfect. Then you’ve got Mike. Those deep, DEEP brown eyes, that smile, that cool hair…OK! They’re both gorgeous! But Rider’s much more perfect! Rider’s just…Rider! That’s what I love about him. He’s himself 100%. (12.18.94)
  • On goals: I asked Dana 4 info on sending my SQ script to Steven Spielberg. Blake said he had the NBC address where I could send my script (or, as Brian A. calls it, “the book.” So what if it’s 26 PAGES LONG!) to seaQuest. He’s going to get it 2 me. I can actually imagine what it’d be like if it were accepted. I’d FREAK! I’d be FAMOUS! I’D GET TO MEET JON BRANDIS! But now 4 a reality check. I’ve got 2 realize how many people probably send scripts, people much better than me. But I can dream, can’t I? If Steven Spielberg didn’t dream, where would he be? They say that he’s “partial to new talent,” especially high schoolers, because he started in high school. You never know. By the end of this year, I could be at home on a Sunday night, watching seaQuest and seeing MY NAME under the title “written by.” I could have met Jon Brandis by then. (04.13.94)
  • On music: Aerosmith was fantastic! It was the first time in 20 years they came to Vermont, but I think their 2.5 hour set was worth the wait. They were unbelievable. Steven Tyler was great! He sang really well, PLUS, after 2 HOURS of running all over the place, during “Livin’ On the Edge,” he did a flip! Joe Perry played sax, guitar, AND he sang! He was good. I loved Joey Kramer’s drum solo. He just went on & on & on & on, kind of like the Energizer Bunny. The other two dudes were good too. The lights were incredible. They were just so bright & colorful! It was really cool during Kramer’s solo. As he sped up, the ligths flashed at the same tempo. A deaf person would have loved it. (08.02.94)
  • On boys: See every single entry.
  • On dancing: Dancing’s easy! I thought it’d be hard, but you just go back and forth in a circle. It’s a cinch! I’m glad Justin asked me first. He’s a really good dancer, so I was comfortable around him. But I still liked dancing with Korey & Josh. (04.30.94)
  • On general life: Not a lot is happening in school. You know, go to school, go to practice, go home, do homework, eat, sleep. It’s a circle of the same things over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over…I hope you get the picture… (11.30.94)