A keen reader might note that I’ve never made reference to all the Roger Clemens/Red Sox speculation that has been swirling around. An informed reader will know that Clemens announced today that he’s going to resign with the Yankees through an arrangement that includes a $28 million (pro-rated) contract.

Any reader from this point on will know that I don’t understand why we’re supposed to be feeling disappointment. Me? I’m elated that Clemens won’t be coming back to Boston and, while I’d much prefer to having him in Houston than New York, I’m not going to start sweating over his pinstriped presence any time soon.

Why should I? Because an aging pitcher who once was amazing and now has leg issues decides for the umpteenth time that he’s going to come out of retirement to pitch for the highest bidder? Newsflash, folks: it’s not an amazing feat of athleticism when a man decides to join the big leagues more than a month after play has started, likely won’t take the mound until a month after that and gets to skip out on trips. What makes a pitcher great isn’t just strikeouts and speed, it’s the ability to go the distance – to start in April and end in (hopefully) late October. Clemens has this insatiable desire to come riding into a ballpark on the white stallion of fans’ imagination.

Let’s pretend to be absolutely insane for a moment, though, and speculate about a different (impossible) scenario: Roger decides instead to return to the city that made him a star. Roger Red Sox once again.

What would we have done with him? I ask this honestly, seeking input from some of my fellow Sox fans/bloggers/readers. There’s no way the guy would do anything but start, of course, so where do we put him (and his huge, cap-tipping ego)? Schilling, Beckett, Dice-K, Wakefield and Tavarez/Lester (we’re all just waiting for that switch, anyway). One could say that the five spot could go to Clemens, but I think that would lead to a whole mess of personality conflicts, harming the team more than it could help. Besides, I think that Lester’s going to be something special when he comes back.

The only benefit having Clemens on staff would bring the Red Sox is the ability to be sure New York doesn’t get him. With far more cons than pros in this scenario, I say that New York is foolish for spending that much money on an aging arm and that it’s a last-ditch effort to put the brakes on a horrible beginning of the Yankee season.

I’m sure I’ll bitch if this serves as some form of a catalyst, but know what?

A 45-year-old man who hasn’t pitched a full season in awhile? I’m willing to take my chances.