So I’m feeling pretty good about this whole Halloween thing. I’ve got a huge bowl of candy – assortment of candy, mind you, which instantly ups my candy cred. I’m ready for the kiddos. I’m psyched to be the coolest distributor on the block.

First ring of the doorbell (which is going to get old, given that it’s not a simple buzzer) and I leap up to ooh and aah over costumes. I brandish the candy bowl. I am ready to be amazing.

The very first trick or treater, a little she-devil, thanks me and then asks if I’d like to donate money to UNICEF.

Back in my day, I was too busy hoping that the next open door would yield a peanut butter cup. Ah, youth.