Objective: To buy a Red Sox jersey. Specifically, a Dustin Pedroia Red Sox jersey.

You would think that this would be simple. Go into the store, buy the jersey, wear the jersey, embody player by trashtalking everything and anyone in sight.

Oh, you would think this. You’d especially think this if you are tall or at all proportioned to successfully wear a men’s players jersey without having it look like a dress.

But when you’re female, slim and, well, approximately the real height of Dustin Pedroia, this creates a problem. As such, I provide insight into a process that began during the off-season, when I decided the time had come to officially commit to a player and procure my first professional sports team jersey of any kind.

Men’s Size

  • Pro: The most authentic of authentic. This is where I would be able to pretty much wear the same jersey my favorite player sports as he’s busy diving across the Fenway grass every 15 minutes or so (time between diving plays approximate). This was my original plan. Reason? Go big or go home. Get the real gear.
  • Con: I really could belt a men’s small and wear it out on the town while covering up more than most Hollywood starlets do these days (Lindsay, I’m talking to you; I’m also using the term “starlet” loosely when it comes to you). The shirt is already designed to be tucked in (here’s where I admit that hockey wins out in the style department), but when the sizing is already small, it just looks wrong. Authenticity is one thing, but looking foolish is something else. I want to showcase that I’m a smart and savvy sports fan, not a little kid wearing her father’s jersey to her first baseball game.

Child’s Size

  • Pro: One of the advantages of being female in a sports world? In some cases, I can save cash and win out in fit by rocking clothes on the larger end of the kid’s scale. An extra large child’s jersey, therefore, would seem to be the perfect solution. Saving money and solving the problem? Hello, brilliance.
  • Con: The need for authenticity rears its ugly head. Kid jerseys have the numbers screenprinted onto the back, not sewn. They also have the players’ names across the shoulders, even on the home jersey, which isn’t accurate.

Women’s Size

  • Pro: My sizing, built for a body like mine. This should be a no-brainer.
  • Con: Why am I saving this for last? Because this is the frustrating part. I can’t get a women’s sized players jersey with a simple 15 on the back. Don’t believe me? Try typing in 15 and see what happens. I KNOW who 15 is! Other fans know who 15 is! I don’t need to be reminded OR remind.

    I can go blank and white, I can go blank and red, I can go PINK (shudder) or I can get a base jersey. So I can have a shirt that fits – which is a bonus, given that I’m spending money on a quality garment – but I can’t show off my favorite player.

Solution: I’m planning to buy the blank white. I’ll just have to show off my long-standing Pedroia fandom by yapping away as much as he does.